From the research

Desire by the numbers: what the large surveys found

Most numbers about desire that travel online have no source behind them. This page collects figures from five large published studies, states each one the way the researchers reported it, and links every one to the paper it came from. The surveys ask about sex directly, so the figures below describe partnered intimacy in that plain sense.

The short version: frequency has been drifting down for decades, low interest is common enough to be ordinary, and past about once a week, more often is not linked with being happier. If you write about relationships, you are welcome to cite this page or go straight to the sources at the bottom.

How often are couples intimate?

The best long-run answer comes from the General Social Survey, a nationally representative survey of American adults. In an analysis of 26,620 people surveyed between 1989 and 2014, Americans in their 20s reported an average of about 80 times per year, compared to about 20 times per year for those in their 60s. Age was the strongest single factor in the data.

Those are averages across everyone, partnered or not, and the spread underneath them is wide. An average says nothing about what is right for a particular couple. Two people who are both content at twice a month are doing better than two people who are tense at twice a week.

Is intimacy really declining?

In the same analysis, American adults were intimate about nine fewer times per year in the early 2010s than in the late 1990s. Part of that came from more people living without a steady partner. But frequency also declined among people who were married or living together, and it held steady among the unpartnered. The declines were largest among people in their 50s and people with school-age children, and they were not linked to longer working hours.

A second study followed adults aged 18 to 44 in the same survey from 2000 to 2018. Among married people, the share reporting weekly or more fell from 71.1% to 57.7% for men and from 69.1% to 60.9% for women. A third study, using the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, found that 28% of adults under 50 reported no intercourse in the prior year in 2018, up from 24% in 2009.

How many young adults report no partnered intimacy at all?

Between 2000 to 2002 and 2016 to 2018, the share of men aged 18 to 24 who reported no sexual activity in the past year rose from 18.9% to 30.9%. Among women the same age the figures were 15.1% and 19.1%, a change the researchers did not find to be a significant trend.

Smaller increases showed up among people aged 25 to 34: from 7.0% to 14.1% for men and from 7.0% to 12.6% for women. There was no comparable increase among people aged 35 to 44. The researchers reported the trend. They did not establish a single cause, and neither can this page.

How common is low interest?

Common. In Britain's third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, carried out from 2010 to 2012, 4,839 men and 6,669 women aged 16 to 74 who had at least one partner in the past year were asked whether they had lacked interest for three months or more during that year. 15.0% of men and 34.2% of women said yes.

What went with it is the useful part. For both men and women, low interest was more common among people who did not feel emotionally close to their partner during intimacy and among people who did not find it easy to talk about. Among women, it was also more common in relationships longer than a year and when partners did not share the same level of interest. In other words, the conditions around desire showed up in the data alongside desire itself, which is what the accelerator-and-brakes picture would lead you to expect.

Does more often mean happier?

Up to a point. Across three studies covering 30,645 people, researchers found that frequency was associated with greater well-being only up to about once a week. Beyond that, more often was no longer associated with higher well-being. The link held for people in relationships, and it ran through relationship satisfaction.

This is an association, not a prescription, and it does not show that frequency causes happiness. Once a week is not a target. The finding is better read as a release from the idea that more is always better, which is one of the heaviest brakes a couple can carry.

What should you take from these numbers?

Three things. First, a quiet stretch puts you in very large company, so it is weak evidence that something is wrong with you or with the two of you. Second, the numbers describe populations. They cannot tell you what your own desire needs, and comparing yourself to an average is a reliable way to press your own brakes.

Third, the factors that travel with low interest are mostly conditions: closeness, ease of talking, shared expectations. Conditions can be changed, which is the reason to learn how your own accelerator and brakes work rather than chasing a frequency.

Common questions

How many times a week is normal for a couple?

There is no normal to hit. In one set of studies covering 30,645 people, well-being rose with frequency up to about once a week and did not keep rising beyond it. Plenty of content couples sit above or below that. What matters is whether the two of you are at ease with your own rhythm.

Is a low-desire stretch common in long relationships?

Yes. In a British national survey, 34.2% of women and 15.0% of men with a partner in the past year reported lacking interest for three months or more. Among women it was more common in relationships longer than a year.

Are people really less intimate than they used to be?

In American survey data, yes. Adults reported about nine fewer times per year in the early 2010s than in the late 1990s, and the share of married adults under 45 reporting weekly or more fell between 2000 and 2018.

Where do these figures come from?

Every figure on this page appears in the published abstract of a peer-reviewed study, listed under Sources with a link to the paper. Nothing here comes from Vibotype's own quiz data.

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